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Panel Questions

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Luke Burbank, Joel Kim Booster and Roxanne Roberts. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute, Bill takes a stand and says, Rye (ph) am Spartacus. Will you be brave enough to join him in the Listener Limerick Challenge? If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Joel, according to The New York Times, the latest beauty trend is getting your what smooshed, smashed and manipulated?

JOEL KIM BOOSTER: Your butt?

SAGAL: No, that was last year's trend.

(LAUGHTER)

BOOSTER: Can I get a quadrant?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Uppermost.

BOOSTER: Your nose.

SAGAL: Wider.

BOOSTER: Your mouth.

SAGAL: I'll give it to you - your whole face.

BOOSTER: Oh.

SAGAL: Yes, that's all we wanted.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Quadrant, you said. Quadrant.

BOOSTER: Yeah, I got it, got it, got it.

SAGAL: If you hate how relaxing traditional facials are and wish they felt more like someone kneading your face like bread dough, then sign up for a sculptural facelift. To start, an esthetician jams their thumbs into your mouth - this is true - and then forcefully...

LUKE BURBANK: Some people pay extra for that.

SAGAL: Yes, well...

BOOSTER: Well, that's also a really good way to get corona, by the way.

SAGAL: Absolutely (laughter). What they do is they then sort of distort and stretch your face with their hands in all these directions. Think of it as, like, one of those extreme home makeovers, but this time, the drywall they're smashing is your septum. The Times says that the face-smooshing makes your face look, quote, "imperceptibly more attractive," unquote.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Which means you can look forward to compliments like, oh, did you get your hair cut or something? Because you look imperceptibly more attractive.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Luke, if you work in an office, you'll know you'll do anything to make it more exciting - steal pens, eat free old crackers. Well...

BURBANK: Done it.

SAGAL: ...A new study shows that 1 in 3 people have done what to jazz up their workday?

BURBANK: Taken drugs.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm sure it's more than 1 in 3.

BURBANK: Yeah. Oh, can I get a hint?

SAGAL: This is called the Jim-and-Pam effect.

BURBANK: Developed a crush, pursued a relationship, looked into the camera when someone said something awkward?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You got the number two, had an office romance.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: One in 3 people apparently have had a relationship with a co-worker, which means if you get four of your co-workers in a room, one person will admit to it and another one will look anywhere but at anyone's face. This feels like a high number considering how unromantic most workplaces are. Oh, hello. Is that a Lean Cuisine you're heating up?

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: That sounds low to me, honestly, because, like, are where you're going to meet somebody and you work - you know? You work together. You see them a lot. I would assume that it would be, like, 90%.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: I also used to work at the BunnyRanch in Pahrump, Nev.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: So maybe my sense is skewed.

SAGAL: Yeah.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: You didn't really work at the BunnyRanch, did you?

BURBANK: Roxanne, we've known each other for so many years, and you don't know this part of my life?

ROBERTS: I don't think I do.

BURBANK: Yeah, I was the least successful bunny they had.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Joel, a zoo in Sydney, Australia, arranged for one of its baboons to get a vasectomy. But when he got to the hospital, the baboon did what?

BOOSTER: He escaped with two wives.

SAGAL: You're right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: He grabbed two female baboons and made a break for it.

BURBANK: Talk about a workplace romance.

SAGAL: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

BOOSTER: If there's one thing I keep an eye on, it's baboon activity in Australia.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to the vets, the female monkeys who aided in the breakout were the baboon's two wives, so the whole thing was caught on security camera. It's shocking to see - not the escape, just a functional poly relationship.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Ethically non-monogamous is what we call it these days, Peter.

SAGAL: Local zookeepers managed to find the thruple after only a few hours, and the baboon is now back in the hospital awaiting his rescheduled vasectomy, damn it. His monkey wives, meanwhile, have formed an inseparable bond, which, frankly, makes the male baboon a little uneasy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Were you guys talking about me?

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "CUTS LIKE A KNIFE")

BRYAN ADAMS: (Singing) Now it cuts like a knife, but it feels so right. Yeah, it cuts like a knife, oh, but it feels so right. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.