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Domestic abuse victims share how they advocate for themselves in an imperfect system

A woman wearing a purple weather poses for a photo.
Emily Bollinger
/
WGLT
Rachel Sizemore is program manager for Mid Central Community Action's Countering Domestic Violence program. The group runs a 24-hour domestic violence hotline and shelter.

This is the third of a series of stories WGLT will publish this week about domestic violence in McLean County. Read Part 1 and Part 2 now.

Jocelyn says it was easy to feel lost in her abuser’s world.

If you need help, contact Mid Central Community Action’s 24-hour domestic violence hotline at 309-827-7070. All services are free and confidential.

The young woman from Bloomington-Normal spent years in and out of a volatile relationship with her ex. At its worst, Jocelyn didn't think she deserved help, or that her life had value.

“You get belittled. You get put down. You get pretty much told you’re worth nothing,” she said.

Eventually, the light bulb went off. Jocelyn found it within herself to recognize she deserved better — and deserved help. And when she was ready, she got it.

Jocelyn shared her story with WGLT in hopes it would be heard by other victims of domestic violence, whatever form it takes. WGLT agreed to only use Jocelyn’s first name to protect her privacy.

“Reach out. Reach out to the community, to law enforcement, to judges. Use the system to your advantage, because it is there for a reason. It is there to help. And I know you don’t understand what it’s like to be cared for in the moment, but once you are past that, and you learn to move forward, you will understand,” Jocelyn said.

There is no “one size fits all” roadmap for victims looking to find their way out of an abusive relationship. Jocelyn’s story of feeling lost and then finding ways to advocate for herself is one potential path, and it includes stops at many of the resources and organizations in place to help victims in McLean County.

Other victims interviewed by WGLT found the circuitous process to be confusing or overwhelming.

Getting your protective order

It was a police officer who gave Jocelyn a pamphlet that informed her about orders of protection [OP]. Like so many, Jocelyn then made her way to the basement of the McLean County Law and Justice Center — aka the courthouse — where domestic violence advocates with Mid Central Community Action showed her how to request an order of protection, in which a judge can order an accused abuser to stay away from a victim or face arrest.

“It’s a lot. It’s not an easy process. You can’t file or hope to get [an OP] off what you think might happen,” said Rachel Sizemore, program manager for Mid Central’s Countering Domestic Violence program. “It’s based on those incidences that have already happened, and that’s also where it’s hard for survivors. Because you don’t want to wait for something to happen."

Sizemore tells victims that the OP is just a piece of paper. Victims should also develop a safety plan, including finances [so that an abuser can’t use that as control]. Did you turn off location services on your phone? Do you have your medications and important documents?

“All the services are based on what they want to do,” said Sizemore. “We never try to pressure somebody to do something they don’t want to do. We provide options. Here are possible outcomes; what would you like me to navigate?”

In Jocelyn’s case, the court proceedings went as planned. She got her OP.

“But as far as keeping my abuser away, it didn’t work,” she said.

At first, Jocelyn said she was still “young, dumb and in love,” so she allowed contact anyway. Sometimes, she dropped the order and they tried to work things out. The cycle repeated itself.

One crucial moment for Jocelyn came years ago during an interaction with a Bloomington Police officer, who she still remembers by name. Jocelyn said their conversation gave her the strength to look forward — and never back.

“He told me to use the police to my advantage. That if my abuser came near me or contacted me to call the police, to use them as much as possible in the situation,” she said.

Building a case

She also began documenting what was happening. She suggests victims consider sending that evidence to a secret email address, then deleting the material off your phone so that it’s secure.

“Having those messages, having those pictures of the bruises or scratches, all of that matters a lot. It builds your case,” Jocelyn said. “Eventually, that’s your saving grace.”

Adrian Barr poses for a photo inside his office
Emily Bollinger
/
WGLT
Adrian Barr is managing attorney at Prairie State Legal Services' Bloomington office, which helps victims with orders of protection.

That’s good advice, according to Adrian Barr, managing attorney at Prairie State Legal Services, a legal aid firm in Bloomington that helps survivors, including Jocelyn.

“When there is a violation [of an OP], call the police and do your best to find some corroborating evidence — whether it’s a video, or a person you’re with. If there are text messages or communications, don’t delete them,” Barr said.

That evidence also may offset another challenge related to domestic violence, he said.

“Abusers often target the people that they’re going to abuse because they are vulnerable people. They’re not believable for some reason. They sometimes have a hard time communicating, or have mental health issues or some other issue that makes them bad communicators. They’re not able to tell their stories or seek help easily. That does complicate things for police, obviously,” Barr said.

Jocelyn said she leaned on police when she felt her abuser violated the OP. That’s what police want.

“If you ever feel that you need police assistance, then you need police assistance,” said Normal Police officer Brad Park. “So don’t worry about calling us. If you’re picking up the phone and thinking, ‘Well, I don’t want to really bother them,’ give us a call. That’s what we’re here for.”

Mid Central also runs Bloomington-Normal's 24-hour emergency shelter, called Neville House.

“If a victim is willing to step away from whatever they may be involved in and get some outside help, we will facilitate that 100% of the time. If they need a ride, we’ll get them a ride. If they have kids and they need car seats, we’ll get car seats loaded up and get them out of there,” said Bloomington Police officer Bryce Janssen.

"You can’t control other people, but you can control yourself. You can control what you do."
Jocelyn

Prosecutors say they too are willing to help. McLean County State’s Attorney Erika Reynolds said her office has victims’ advocates assigned to criminal cases including domestic violence. And they’re willing to charge and prosecute domestic abusers even if the victim doesn’t want them to — allowing those abusers to shift the blame to prosecutors.

“A victim can have as little contact or as much contact as they want. Some want to be involved. They want to know everything that’s going on. And some just want to forget about it until they’re needed. I think it’s important for them to have that autonomy and decide,” said Ashley Scarborough, one of two prosecutors on the domestic violence screening team.

Sizemore, the advocate from Mid Central, suggests calling the state’s attorney’s office if a victim wants to know what’s going on with their case.

“Call up there. Have them pull your report, because then it has eyes on it. The more you bring attention to it and awareness, the more it’s getting looked at,” Sizemore said. “As a victim in that police report, you have a right to know whether there are going to be charges or why there aren’t going to be charges.”

Jocelyn took a more hands-off approach, letting the process play out once she felt safe. Others have stayed closely apprised of the details of their cases. “Alyssa” was harassed by a patron in her Bloomington business and sought a no contact/no stalking order after repeated threats of physical and sexual violence. WGLT has agreed not to disclose her identity.

“Normally I would trust the process, but the process is not to be trusted,” Alyssa said. “I was in this kind of gray area waiting and thinking that I might be contacted so I could understand where the case was going.”

While Alyssa’s case wasn’t domestic in nature, Mid Central Community Action agreed to work with her to seek a no contact order. Without their help, she said, she would not have been able to navigate the process. She later learned the suspect had a history of domestic violence.

“As much as I wanted to not deal with the situation that happened at my business, I felt an obligation to make sure it doesn’t happen to someone else,” she said.

“Tracy” is a woman from Bloomington-Normal who tried to protect herself with multiple OPs in recent years. WGLT granted her anonymity so she could speak freely about her case.

Tracy sought orders of protection against an abusive ex. She continually contacted police and the state’s attorney’s office for updates.

"It’s such a demeaning, condescending experience. It’s just, ‘Shut up and put up. We’ll contact you if we have any questions. Until then, don’t bug us,’” Tracy said.

The strength to keep going

Jocelyn said it required a lot of strength not to engage when her ex resurfaced. And there were costs. She deleted her social media and changed her phone number. In restaurants and other public places, she won’t sit with her back to the door. Ten years later, she’s still looking over her shoulder.

“If they want to do it, they’re gonna do it. You can’t control other people, but you can control yourself. You can control what you do,” Jocelyn said.

Jocelyn initially represented herself in court, although later she got representation from Barr and Prairie State Legal Services. That was especially welcome, she said, because court hearings can be intimidating.

“It’s very hard to be in that same room, knowing you have to stand up for yourself, and you have to stand up to the person that’s done nothing but step all over you,” Jocelyn said.

The whole OP process can be exhausting. Some victims may give up.

“I can see how, if the survivor hits a barrier or something else gets difficult in their life or they have to work and can’t take off time for all these different appointments, how they may not continue the pursuit of these orders of protection. They sort of stop,” Barr said.

Barr and others say the system is working, but every system has cracks.

“If you’re not proactive or you don’t have someone willing to help you in the law library … you’re on your own. You would probably give up,” said Alyssa. “So is that working?”

Alyssa wants the system to believe women when they ask for help.

“I hate that expression,” she said, “but I just feel that it takes a lot of courage to go into that courthouse. You’re putting yourself in harm’s way to try to do the right thing.”

Jocelyn said her experiences with the police and prosecutors were generally good.

Tracy’s experience was different. She told WGLT she felt let down by Bloomington Police and the state’s attorney’s office, and that victims were not centered through the process. At her lowest point, she said she was suicidal. Tracy is now laying the groundwork for advocacy work aimed at making processes and procedures surrounding domestic abuse simpler and more effective.

“There have been some hard days where I don’t think I can do this anymore,” she said. “Because of the support I’ve had within my inner circle of friends and family — they’ve kept me going.”

Jocelyn also kept going. She said she’s doing better now, though the battle scars remain. She’s raising her young son to be someone that nobody will have to be afraid of someday.

Her closing message to other victims:

“They are important. They are loved. There will be the right person who comes along eventually. But that is not love. You shouldn’t have to be afraid to be abused. You shouldn’t have to be afraid to do things that make you happy.”

Ryan Denham is the digital content director for WGLT.
Lauren Warnecke is a reporter at WGLT. You can reach Lauren at lewarne@ilstu.edu.