Panel Questions | WGLT

Panel Questions

Sep 26, 2020
Originally published on September 26, 2020 1:55 pm
Copyright 2020 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

BILL KURTIS: *** From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Alonzo Bodden, Joel Kim Booster and Dulce Sloan. And here again is your host, who just discovered in his past life he was also the host of a news quiz, Peter Sagal.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill orders his gin and tonic with a twist of rhyme. It's our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, it is time for more questions from this week's news.

Joel, this week, police in Detroit managed to arrest a, quote, "impaired driver" after he had done what at a drawbridge?

JOEL KIM BOOSTER: He tried to drive over it while it was up.

SAGAL: No, Joel. He succeeded in driving over it while it was up.

BOOSTER: (Laughter).

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SAGAL: According to the drawbridge operator, the man smashed through the drawbridge's gate, accelerated as fast as he could, jumped the ramp and cleared the gap. It was like a scene out of "The Fast And The Furious" if Vin Diesel drove a 2002 Dodge Stratus. Sadly, the man barely had time to celebrate his achievement because when his car landed, all four of the tires popped, and the windshield shattered. That's OK, though - no windshield meant it was way easier to give the cops high-fives when they showed up to talk about how cool that jump was.

DULCE SLOAN: Ah.

BOOSTER: Honestly, let him go. Let him off.

SAGAL: Exactly.

SLOAN: Let him go.

BOOSTER: It's - the punishment fits the crime, I say.

SAGAL: What crime? The Detroit Free Press said, quote, "it was not clear to investigators why he did it," unquote. And everybody who has ever driven a car whispered, I know why he did it.

SLOAN: We all know why he did it.

SAGAL: We all know why he did it. We've all wanted to do it.

ALONZO BODDEN: (Laughter).

SAGAL: In other related news, a drawbridge operator had his first interesting day at work ever.

(LAUGHTER)

SLOAN: What about - no, 'cause, like, sometimes him and the troll play lotto, and they get a couple dollars.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Joel, there's a new restaurant to get drunk and embarrass yourself in because they're now serving alcohol where?

BOOSTER: The MTA.

SAGAL: No. I'll give you a hint. They're also adding beer barrels and wine barrels to go with the one they already have.

BOOSTER: Oh, Cracker Barrel.

SAGAL: Yes, Cracker Barrel.

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SAGAL: It's one more reason...

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SAGAL: ...For John Gotti Jr. to love it. You can now order booze at America's favorite white person-themed restaurant.

SLOAN: (Laughter).

SAGAL: The company is adding beer, wine and mimosas to their menus so you can finally drink to forget how many calories are in that country-fried steak.

SLOAN: But it's so good.

BOOSTER: It is a restaurant aimed at Mennonites. Like, it is not...

SLOAN: (Laughter).

BOOSTER: It does not surprise me that they don't have beer.

SAGAL: Reactions have been positive. Maybe the booze will finally help you win that stupid peg game. Plus, if you're a kid, your drunk parents will let you buy all that horrible hard rock candy.

SLOAN: That peg game has pissed me off.

BODDEN: Yeah, but there's going to be some rocking chair accidents.

SAGAL: (Laughter).

SLOAN: Granny's going over. Granny's going over.

(LAUGHTER)

SLOAN: Also, they're going to have to start putting time limits on those rocking chairs because if you have ever day drank on a porch, it's the best time ever - in a rocking chair? Come on?

SAGAL: I'm imagining things getting nuts of a Sunday morning brunch, people getting crazy and start grabbing those scented candles in the general store and smashing them to have bar brawls.

BOOSTER: Yeah, already enough brawls.

BODDEN: I can imagine the people at Waffle Hut looking over at Cracker Barrel saying, boy, they don't know how to act.

SLOAN: (Laughter) Well, the people don't realize that the missing ingredient to Waffle House is being drunk.

BODDEN: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Yeah. I mean, you can get drunk at Cracker Barrel, then you're finally drunk enough to go eat a Waffle House.

SLOAN: Right because if you ever had, like, Waffle House, like, sober at, like, 11 a.m...

SAGAL: Yeah.

SLOAN: ...Because my mom was like - one morning she was like, let's go to Waffle House. And I was like, are we going to get drunk first?

SAGAL: (Laughter).

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BEER BARREL POLKA")

JIMMY STURR AND HIS ORCHESTRA: (Singing) Roll out the barrel. We'll have a barrel of fun. Roll out the barrel. We've got the blues on the run. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.