Unit 5 teacher Amy Moore of Normal was killed just a week after final papers were filed in her divorce. She had multiple orders of protection. But an advocate for people trying to leave abusive situations says those orders are often violated.
First thing: This is how to get help. The Countering Domestic Violence program hotline is 309-827-7070 at Mid-Central Community Action in Bloomington.
Sergio Ponce, senior court advocate with the program, said there are certain riskier times for women trying to break ties with their abusers because abuse is a lot about control.
"Any time any kind of control is taken away from the abuser can be a point of extreme danger. So, getting an order of protection, filing for divorce, and the finalization of a divorce are all times they should be extra vigilant," Ponce said on WGLT's Sound Ideas.
The Moore divorce case file showed a lot of behavior by her ex-husband, Matthew: harassment, blustering, threatening, and gaslighting. There was less information about physical maltreatment of Amy by Matthew.
Ponce said such scenarios may mislead people into saying "it's not really abuse because she wasn't hurt."
"... Which is not the case. There's emotional abuse. There's mental abuse. There's financial abuse. There are all different ways to abuse somebody which are not necessarily physical. And at the very least getting everybody on that same page would help," said Ponce.
And the lack of physical signs may obscure a very real danger.
"If you hear a neighbor in a loud argument that sounds like it could be dangerous, it should probably be reported. The person that may be being abused might not have the resources or the state of mind to report it themselves," said Ponce.
Orders of protection
Using orders of protection as a tool requires calling police when there are violations for it to work. Ponce pointed out some remedies in the order of protection are not enforceable by police.
“For those, they need to file motions in the case, to bring them to court to show the judge that they are not following the order of protection,” said Ponce.
And some apparent violations may not be. For instance, the judge in the divorce case placed limits on Matthew Moore’s use of social media to talk about Amy Moore.
“Generally speaking, it does not stop the respondent from airing issues they might have with the petitioner if they're not directly ... like in social media, they can go on their own page and complain about a person. They just wouldn't be able to tag them directly to make the person look at them,” said Ponce.
Rigorous enforcement of orders of protection also can become a challenge for law enforcement agencies. There are a lot of them, and Ponce said violations are frequent. And because there are time limits on them, the situation might not be clear.
“An order of protection in some form is generally filed on a daily basis. There are about 300 filed cases; whether they're in effect is a different story,” said Ponce, adding society could do better in boosting protections and creating a cultural likelihood that family violence will be reported.
“Education, learning about domestic violence and stopping shame of it. It's really hard," he said. "Even if in the best-case scenario, everybody in a person's life is very accepting and understanding, that doesn't necessarily stop the shame of being a survivor of domestic violence."
Relative danger also may be difficult to assess. What is a threat from one person could be windy bluster from another, the difference between hurtful and dangerous.
“I would err on the side of caution; abuse is abuse. That kind of mentality of ‘that's just how that person is’ can lead to dangerous situations because ultimately, we are in control of our own emotions. We are in control of our actions. A lot of times survivors will be wracked with, 'What did I do? This is my fault.' But you cannot control someone else's actions. They control their actions,” said Ponce.
Help is available
Mid Central Community Action offers free and confidential resources, including a 24-hour hotline and shelter, outreach intervention, court advocacy, counseling services, adult youth and education groups, community awareness, and professional training.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-799-7233.
“They have a whole database available to them to be able to help you locally. But also sometimes, survivors are looking to escape their local area. And they can also provide information and outside resources they could potentially go to if they're trying to escape their current location,” said Ponce.
The road to survivorship, to recovery and to being healthy is different for everyone.
“The first step would be finding a safe place to recover.... Generally speaking, a survivor can't start recovery if they're still in the abusive relationship, specifically still with their abuser," he said.
Ponce said societal awareness of domestic abuse has improved in recent decades. There is less shame, though that emotion can still prevent people from seeking help.
“But at the very least, it's generally accepted that if domestic violence is happening, it is not acceptable. I would say now, it's more about teaching all the different types of domestic violence that is going on,” said Ponce.
Some of those forms of violence include restricting a person’s finances, movements, or employment, sexual abuse, verbal, emotional, and physical battery, and gaslighting.
Again, the Countering Domestic Violence hotline in McLean County is 309-827-7070.
