When distressing news happens at home or abroad, whether it be a local mass shooting or an act of war taken against another country, explaining events to kids can prove to be difficult.
Stephanie Barisch is the director of therapeutic services for the Center for Youth and Family Solutions [CYFS], a social service and behavioral health agency focused on child welfare for families connected through the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services.
Based in Peoria, they cover 37 sites across Illinois.
“We’re getting questions not only from the foster parents that we work with, but also parents, just individuals seeking guidance,” said Barisch in an interview for WGLT’s Sound Ideas.
“It’s also a conversation that just amongst our staff, we’ve been having, dealing with what we see in the news, what’s happening in our world and how we’re really talking with our kids about those things and really guiding them through it as well.”
On top of global affairs, Barisch said challenges in the mental health field for young adults are rising as well. The challenge is speaking about things like the United States’ war with Iran in a way that does not increase their already present anxiety.
“I do believe that a good number of young people are distressed about what they see and hear in the news,” she said. “I think, actually, they are probably getting most of their exposure online, social media, whether it be TikTok or Instagram. There’s always things being promoted or shared, and I think they’re getting exposed quite a bit.”
Within roughly the last year, Barisch said she has seen increased concern about events coinciding with media coverage such as LGBTQ+ rights, immigration enforcement and national military action in Venezuela and Iran.
Do’s and don’ts of talking to kids about news
Barisch said one of the first things a caregiver can do is to to be calm themselves when talking to a child, while keeping a consistent routine for them.
“You need to be in a place where you can be reassuring,” she said.
“You’re not activated and angry or frustrated at the time that you’re trying to have this conversation, because youth are always very aware of the state of the people that they’re reliant upon, and so if we’re not calm when we’re having this conversation, we’re not likely to help them be calm.”
Barisch said it is also important to consider the child’s age, so the younger the child, the more basic the information they receive should be. If appropriate, older kids can have deeper discussions with their parent or caregiver.
“…a conversation you can have about what their thoughts are and what they know,” said Barisch.
Meanwhile, a big don’t is do not talk at a child.
“Don’t lecture about what they should be believing or what they should be seeing,” she said. “Start with, what do they already know? What have they already seen or been exposed to, and explore with them what their thoughts are.”
Barisch said any parent knows kids do not usually respond well to a lecture.
Some parents may be unsure whether to seek their child out or wait till they are approached by them with certain news. Barisch is not sure either; she said it depends.
“I think there are some families where current events may be a more common topic that’s just talked about and explored,” she said. “And in those families, it’s perfectly okay to say, ‘Hey, what have you seen about this that’s happening?’ or ‘What are you being exposed to?’”
But if a child comes up to their parent with news already primed, Barisch said it is important to explore the topic when it is causing the child clear distress.
How much should kids know?
Barisch said it is appropriate for children as young as five years old to start to get a grasp on news, but it depends upon the event and where it is happening.
Take the war in Iran initiated by the United States and Israel. Parents would want to affirm some facts to their kids while refraining from sharing details.
“It’s something that’s happening on the other side of the planet, [and] adults aren’t agreeing about what’s happening there. The risk to you is very, very low there,” she advised. “Nothing’s going to happen, we’re going to keep you safe…and as you get older, you have a better capacity, or the youth has a better capacity to understand nuance.”
A child around the age of 12 can have an understanding of concepts such as war and government, but it can still be challenging to talk specifics. Parents may want children to understand what’s going on in the world while not confusing them with history and politics.
“Children are what we call egocentric by nature and development. Children believe that they are the center of the world and therefore everything that’s happening is somehow connected to them,” said Barisch.
She said around middle-school age is when children leave their egocentric development period.
“So, until youth reach a point where they are able to step out of that egocentric position and recognize that there are things that occur that have nothing to do with them, outside of their world, they are going to internalize.”
That is exactly why Barisch emphasizes great care in telling kids about distressing news, because they immediately worry something will happen to them and their loved ones.
She said it is important to trust kids with objective sources and resources as they start to understand national and global events.
“So, making sure that you’re helping them determine what’s a good source and helping maybe go with them to a good source. The older they get, let’s go look it up,” she said.
When the news is too much
Parents can do the same for themselves as they may recommend to children, according to Barisch, so they can avoid their own anxiety and distress caused by biased information or oversaturated media coverage.
However, she said it is not beneficial to just avoid the news entirely. Parents should not immediately turn off the coverage or not see it to begin with when their children are around.
“No, I don’t think that parents should avoid the news. I do think they should watch 24/7 news coverage,” Barisch said.
But when the news of the world reaches a point of too much stress for youth over a number of weeks, or starts to impede on daily life, then outside, professional help should be sought.
“…their sleep, their eating, if they seem to have increased anxiety daily not just around certain things, but it’s impacting them, that could be a really good time to look to some professional assistance,” she said.
“And that could be at school, it could be reaching out to a school counselor, it could be accessing community resources or a therapist that might be available.”
