When a teacher such as Amy Moore dies a violent death, the impact on a community is larger than for most other deaths. Current and former students and their families, and the colleagues of the teacher grieve in addition to the immediate family.
The Unit 5 school district is trying to address that broader trauma following Moore's killing by her ex-husband last week, shortly after the filing of final divorce papers.
In the start of what will be ongoing efforts, the district on Thursday provided space for people to gather at Moore's school, Grove Elementary in Normal.
Unit 5's Director of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Kristal Shelvin said the district wanted to offer support for staff and families who face an unexplainable situation and allow room for the many ways in which people grieve.
"If someone wanted to share just fond memories. We had materials available if someone wanted to craft a letter or send a picture. There were young people who just sent a picture — I'm thinking of you," said Shelvin, adding a steady stream of people came through the building.
"Children families, neighbors, folks connected with the school, colleagues, and folks who had worked together in other buildings. We had folks from the Linus Project who bring blankets when there's time for comfort," said Shelvin.
They had comfort dogs and people from the faith community available. They set aside spaces for conversation and an art station for children to express feelings in that medium.
“Being open to and honest about what we need and what people need was important. There was a concerted and planned effort to have people who are well trained to provide support and group support. There was also space to have people who just know each other, and they wanted to share a hug or cry together. There was space made for all of that,” said Shelvin.
Moore affected hundreds of students and their families over decades. For some, processing grief will happen in a straightforward manner. For others it will be non-linear and episodic.
"Avoid as much as possible placing parameters or 'shoulds' on people. People grieve differently," said Shelvin, noting it’s not possible to know when things will surface, so there should be no time limits on grief.
“Anniversary dates can sometimes be concerning for people. Reminders such as the beginning of school," she said. "The way to plan for that is to be aware, to know that if a concern comes up for an individual person or a group of people, there are counseling and other kinds of supports available, whether it is our Employee Assistance Program, district psychologists, social workers, and counselors who all offer time."
What to watch for
Shelvin said she hopes parents also will keep an eye out going forward for children who need help processing grief.
“We look for changes — changes in eating, changes in sleeping, asking questions. What you might see as typical grieving versus what is something where you might want to reach out to a pediatrician or another service provider to see if this is more than what we would expect," said Shelvin.
"For instance, that change in sleep, change in eating patterns, there might be a little bit of that, but if it lasts, that would really be a concern. Difficulty with sleeping, difficulty with doing regular activities would be something to look out for.”
Shelvin said Unit 5 also has provided parents at Grove with communication tips for parents on talking about grief with their children.
Those include being present, being authentic, posing open-ended questions to gauge how kids are doing — not just things that can be answered in a monosyllable — following their lead on what they want to talk about, and making conversations places of comfort.
